I have a stress vein

pain lines
in cursive
that spell my name.
I hocus pocus the boys
until they are tame.

when I was at the bar
I made eye contact
with men
who would've called
the car.

but I went to hide
in the bathroom
and touched girls
I had never met
before
who had names
I had never said
before
and they told me
wet secrets
like it was
sixth grade.

I take pictures of myself
before bed
when my skin is just
pink and red
when I am the
only person
who wants to see me
naked
when I am
aching head.

a friend pulled me
aside
and told me
how some strangers
were talking in circles
about my freckles
and short hair.

they said I was beautiful.

but I call my own cars
and I board my own planes
and in cursive
I sleep
with my stress vein.